All posts by pandabearmd

An Exercise in Frivolity

Why Suffer?

There are two broad categories to keep in mind when selecting and ranking residency programs. One type is at a large academic teaching hospital. The other is at a smaller “community” hospital that may have only a polite affiliation with a university or even none at all.

You can get good training at either type of program but all other things being equal, life will be a lot more pleasant if you opt for a community program.

Take a big institution like Duke where I did my intern year. A good place to train. World class faculty. Impressive facilities. All of that crap that looks good on a brochure. On the other hand it is a relatively miserable place to do an intern year unless you are a robot with no interests outside of medicine. I am repeating intern year in a community program at a small regional hospital. I like it a lot better, mostly for reasons that some of you might find frivolous.

It is hard to believe that although I have no outpatient rotations whatsoever this year and have done three critical care months almost back to back, I have had more weekends off in the last four months than in my entire intern year at Duke.

At Duke, which you may take to represent big academia anywhere, they have the old-school attitude towards the house staff, namely that residents don’t deserve time off and have to earn it by becoming attendings. Thus, they make a big deal about the rare times in your schedule when you have Saturday and Sunday off. In fact, they call this a “Golden Weekend” under the insulting premise that you should be happy and grateful to have been awarded such a special treat.

At my new program, on the other hand, we have weekend call but the residents on most services decide among themselves if everybody needs to come in. We usually don’t need to. This works out to two or three full weekends off per rotation. The difference is that our attendings are usually in private practice, don’t want to come in on the weekend either, and are generally a lot more easy-going than their academic counterparts.

It’s not as if you’re going to be following the ideal model of intern education where you admit, follow, and lovingly discharge a small group of patients with whom you become intimately familiar. If that were the case, maybe it would make sense to come in every day and see how they were getting on.

In a real hospital, however, you will work on service with a steady stream of admits and discharges and it will be impossible to follow all of the patients you admit. You will dive in and out of the torrent following patients somewhat randomly. If this is the case, you may as well round on patients you don’t know over the weekend because you hardly know your own from day to day. (At most residency programs, big or small, residents are just cheap labor. Learn and understand this.)

At a small community hospital, nothing much gets done on the weekends anyways unless it is an emergency.

How about rounding? Academic physicians have the tyrant’s love for an audience. The more academic the institution, the more you will round and the longer the rounds will take, even if this is not the most efficient way to either learn or conduct business. You can learn valuable pearls of wisdom from rounding but a good deal of the time the discussion devolves to merits of competing studies which address the patient’s treatment. Fascinating stuff, no doubt, but I have no dog in the fight. I’ll follow whatever practice guidleline is eventually developed after the adults hammer things out as I am uninterested in the nuances of research.

I’m not saying that you will not round at a community program, just that the odds are your attendings will not have such a zeal for it. Remember, it is a deliberate decision to go into academic medicine. Most people do not. Odds are that if you want to work in academia you like how they do things and will trade a little bit of salary for an entourage and a team of residents to do your scutwork.

Big institutions are also a good deal more bureaucratic. Duke was almost insufferable. They have a form for everything and you can hardly wipe your ass without some kind of certification that you have completed the mandatory yearly ass-wiping seminar. This is all driven by the legal department and is part of risk management. The idea is that if you ever yell racial epithets at a patient the institution is protected from liability because they can demonstrate that you had a certain number of hours of diversity training.

They are out of control. I received almost daily notifications that some compliance requirement or another would expire in a certain number of months. The emails always ended with a sinister threat of being fired or otherwise disciplined for failure to comply.

Intern orientation at Duke took two days and I must have filled out fifty forms acknowledging that I wouldn’t sleep with patients, call them bad names, and had read and understood that surfing for porn on a Duke computer is verboten. It’s all horseshit, of course. They preach at you for an hour, you sign a piece of paper, and then you forget about it. If you’re the kind of guy who hits on patients you’re not going to be deterred by a signed disclaimer.

That’s mostly my point. They make a big deal about things that should be common sense. Everybody knows not to date patients. It happens, of course, but do I need two hours of instruction on it?

They were also mad, absolutely barking-mad, for evaluations. Quality control is great but is it necessary for any instititution to be so self-centered that they’re always asking, “How’m I doing?”

You’re doing fine. Now fuck off.

Asking for evaluations is a way to dilute responsibilty. Bureaucrats hate making decisions, especially decisions for which they will be held accountable. Evaluations and other forms of “decision support” are tools to deflect criticism if something goes wrong. Consensus is a totally gutless form of management employed by the spineless.

I suppose that ever since Press Ganey, the Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse, issued forth from management hell it is inevitable that we will have to fill out evaluations. Smaller programs seem to have less of this and take them less seriously. Nobody at my current program has ever threatened to fire me if I didn’t turn in evaluations which did happened at Duke.

Pick your program carefully.

The Devil, for those of you wondering how he will come:

http://www.pressganey.com/

Two Minute Drill III

Pathology

Instant credibility at a parties. Hushed respect from the public. Pathology is the coolest specialty. Sure, shows like Nip/Tuck and ER have made plastic surgery and Emergency Medicine seem glamorous but pathologists cut up dead bodies, man!

They certainly do, but not every pathologist does this regularly. Pathology is the study of disease. In this respect Pathologists are “Doctor’s doctors” as they are consulted by physicians. Much of a pathologist’s day is spent looking through a microscope, nailing down an exact diagnosis. But the public doesn’t know this…all they know is that they cut up dead bodies, man!

Let’s say a patient is having a tumor surgically removed. The surgeon takes tissues samples at the margins of his his resection and sends them to pathology. There a technician makes a frozen section of the samples and puts them on slides with the appropriate stain. As the surgeons stand around the patient talking about their golf-game, the pathologists looks at samples to see if there are “clear margins,” that is, no abnormal cells indicating that the surgeons have removed the entire tumor. If the pathologist detects abnormal cells, the surgeons take wider margins. The examination of tissue samples like these is a big part of a pathologists job.

Another function of pathologists is to make the rest of us slap our foreheads like country rubes and say, “Dammit, it’s so obvious given the symptoms and blood smear. Why didn’t I think of that?”

Pathology has two main divisions, anatomic and clinical. Anatomic pathology involves autopsies and examination of tissue. Clinical pathology focuses on diseases, particularly those that leave their imprint on a cellular level. A pathology residency covers anatomic and clinical pathology.

It is a lifestyle specialty. The hours are good in residency and there is almost no call. There are no, repeat no, pathological emergencies. The dead will keep and while some malignant cancers spread fast, they don’t spread that fast. I have never heard anybody say, “We need the pathologist and we need him right now!” It pays fairly well too once you get into practice. It is also one of the few non-surgical specialties which doesn’t worry about competition from mid-level providers. A Nurse practitioner may be very comfortable managing someone’s blood pressure but pathology is way, way out of her league. Heck, it’s out of my league if we get down to it.

The competitiveness of pathology varies, it seems from year to year. If you like pathology and want to do it (and are not a moron) you can probably match into it.

Neurology

You need a lot of tools. That’s why neurologists are the last doctors to carry the old-fashioned “doctor’s bag” which your mother may have bought for you as a present when you were accepted to medical school. For a good neuro exam you apparently need more tools than an auto mechanic even if most of get by with a reflex hammer, a pen-light and sharp stick. A tuning fork is necessary to assess the posterior column senses (or is it another column?) but I have rarely seen it deployed by anybody other than a neurologist.

One of the first real skills you will learn is to do a good neurological exam, everything from the cranial nerves (On Old Olympus Towering Top A Fat Veiled Girl Vends Ancient Hops) to motor and sensory. At first you will feel silly going through the motions but one day you will find a real, honest to God focal neurological deficit and you will be hooked. Then the CT or the MRI will confirm your finding and you can harumph and insist that those studies were unnecessary as you localized the lesion with nothing but your physical exam prowess.

Neurologists are kind of like that but on speed. As most of you know, the brain (and spinal chord) is an organ of bewildering complexity. Everybody should know the basics but the neurologist easily localizes a small lesion to an obscure section of the brain that you only dimly recall reading about. In a conscious patient, I don’t believe neurologists really need CTs or MRIs.

Neurology is a typically a four year residency. It is more competitive than internal medicine but somewhat less competitive than surgery. If you show an interest and do a lot of neuro rotations in fourth year you are probably in. There is some overlap with neurosurgery (and orthopaedics) but neurologists are not brain surgeons. It’s like the difference between a cardiac surgeon and a cardiologist. They usually work in concert, each consulting the other as required.

Bread and butter for the Neurologist? Alzheimers. Multiple Sclerosis. Strokes. 98 percent of the patients I saw on my neurology rotation fit into these categories. An occasional glioblastoma but most of these were referred to neurosurgery.

Neurologist are all a little “off,” at least I have never met a totally normal one. Every neurologist I have met had at least one annoying mannerism or a certain way of interacting with his patients that made me cringe. But I must confess my ignorance. I don’t know anybody who even considered matching into neurology. Nobody from my class did. I just don’t know what kind of person goes for this kind of thing.

Neurosurgery

Top of the heap and the most competitive of all specialties. The only job where you can say, “Well, actually, it is brain surgery.” The board scores, letters, grades, and general knowledge required to match into neurosurgery are so far above my capabilities that I blush to even comment.

For all that, I have never met a malignant neurosurgeon attending or resident. I think they are above all of that petty bickering and emotional masturbation which is typical of many other competitive specialties. I guess if you are spooning a lesion out of somebody’s brain, trying to isolate a ball of slightly dense yogurt from the background of less dense yogurt, you just can’t be bitchy and high strung.

The first rule when rotating on neurosurgery is to pretend you have been pulled over by a cop and keep your hands where he can see them. Don’t touch anything. One slip and there goes your patient’s ability to form coherent words. There is nothing in there you want to mess with. Put your eyes to the other eyepieces of the surgical microscope, keep your mouth shut, and laugh at all the attendings jokes.

A specialty of incremental success. Very few people escape serious head injury with no deficits. A bad outcome is a question of degrees. Grandma can’t talk but at least she’s alive.

Some overlap with orthopaedic surgery as both specialties work on the spine and the spinal chord.

Two Minute Drill II

Psychiatry

A specialty at a crossroads. Once dominated by Freud and Jung but now becoming evidence-based like the rest of medicine. The psychoanalyst’s couch being replaced by the SSRI. Now as much pharmacotherapy as behavioral therapy.

No specialty is more polarizing for medical students. I don’t think anybody hates psychiatry (because how could working with the insane not be interesting) but people are very clear early in their psychiatry rotation whether they will consider matching into it. The specialty seems daunting at first. How is it possible to classify something as complex as human behavior and then develop a rational strategy for treating its dysfunctions? Can progress or a cure ever be objectively demonstrated? If these questions bother you then you will find psychiatry frustrating.

The only specialty besides radiology in which you can probably get through the day without touching a patient. It’s not that psychiatrists don’t know how to do physical exams, just that their area of interest does not lend itself to traditional physical exam skills. We all need to learn to listen to our patients but this is probably all a good psychiatrist really needs to do to nail a diagnosis, apart from asking the occasional leading question.

Not very competitive which leads to the same sort of thing you see in other non-competitive specialties, that is, a wide range of abilities in people who apply for it. Some of the worst residents I have ever seen were in psychiatry-but also some of the best. Some people match into it out of a real love for the specialty. Others, particularly foreign medical graduates, use it to establish a toehold in the United States.

About the worst intern I have ever seen was a guy from some South American diploma mill whose only redeeming characteristic was that he made the third year medical students look good. I was a third year medical student at the time and helped him out as much as I could by identifying the location of major organs for him and keeping him up to date on the latest guidelines for normal blood pressures. You know, complicated things like that. He didn’t actually ask me what all of those squiggly lines meant on the EKG but I know he was thinking it.

A good psychiatrist, on the other hand, can work what seem like miracles. So pick your program carefully.

Also a “lifestyle” specialty. Very much a nine-to-five job. There are psychiatric emergencies but Vitamin H will keep the patient fresh until morning. Many, many different ways to practice with a wide range of income potential depending on what you do and how well you do it.

Radiology

What’s there not to like about Radiology? Good pay, relatively easy residency, no rounding, no physical exams, no urine spattered drunks, no drug seekers, and empathy is optional. If you play your cards right you can spend your career sitting in a darkened room like some ancient Greek oracle looking at interesting pictures and making profound but strangely non-committal comments. Is it any wonder that radiology is one of the more competitive specialties?

You can do interventional radiology as well and get the best of both worlds. That is, patient contact with the ability to retreat into your mysterious lair when you get tired of it.

I am jealous of radiologists. As an Emergency Medicine resident I spend my day thinking to myself, “Thank God I am not that poor slob. His residency is brutal.” But not when it comes to the radiology residents. That, my friends, is the life.

The big worry of radiologists is that they will be replaced, either by off-shore sweatshop radiologists working for Indian minimum wage or by advances in imaging technology which will make studies so easy to read that the radiologist will be like the guy bringing punch to your prom date. Helpful, but not a real factor in your chances to score later on.

These fears are unfounded. As long as medicine continues to operate in a predatory legal environment, the carnivorous lawyers are not about to let their prey scamper away to the green pastures of safety beyond the big water. In this respect the lawyer is the radiologist’s friend. Sure, you may get a “wet read” on a CT at 3AM from Bangalore but liability being what it is an American (and thus litigatable) radiologist is going to have to sprinkle holy water on it.

With this being the case, why bother having somebody on the other side of the world look at it if he can’t cover your ass? Most of us can (or will learn how to) distinguish the big killers and the common things on x-rays, CTs and MRIs anyways so there is no real service being offered here.

Will imaging technology ever get so good that he radiologist will be redundant? Don’t bet on it. Better images will paradoxically lead to the need for a more precise and expedient diagnosis. One day, when every patient who enters the hospital walks through a whole body scanner a la Star Trek, we will still need radiologists to make sense of it all.

Nuclear Medicine

Radiology’s slightly slow cousin Wilbur. A two-year residency after a preliminary year in anything. The use of radioactive isotopes which are ingested, injected, or inhaled to make images of the body using gamma ray cameras (Scintilography). Different from radiology where external radiation (well, except for MRI) is used to produce an image of anatomy, nuclear medicine uses internal radiation to produce an image of physiological function.

Thnk things like PET, SPECT, radionuclide angiocariography (RNA), multiple gated acquisition (MUGA), and the like. Not to mention V/Q scans, bone scans, and all kind of whiz-bang, golly gee image modalities.

Can you get a job just specializing in Nuclear Medicine outside of academia? Probably not. I was thinking about it as I looked for a way to escape the empathetic talons of Duke and did a little research. Generally speaking, most places want their nuclear medicine guys to be double-boarded in radiology and nuclear medicine. As a result nuclear medicine is functionally a radiology fellowship. Either that or it is used as an “in” to radiology.

There are very few nuclear medicine residency programs because of this.

If I am wrong about his than I am willing to be corrected.

Two Minute Drill II

Psychiatry

A specialty at a crossroads. Once dominated by Freud and Jung but now becoming evidence-based like the rest of medicine. The psychoanalyst’s couch being replaced by the SSRI. Now as much pharmacotherapy as behavioral therapy.

No specialty is more polarizing for medical students. I don’t think anybody hates psychiatry (because how could working with the insane not be interesting) but people are very clear early in their psychiatry rotation whether they will consider matching into it. The specialty seems daunting at first. How is it possible to classify something as complex as human behavior and then develop a rational strategy for treating its dysfunctions? Can progress or a cure ever be objectively demonstrated? If these questions bother you then you will find psychiatry frustrating.

The only specialty besides radiology in which you can probably get through the day without touching a patient. It’s not that psychiatrists don’t know how to do physical exams, just that their area of interest does not lend itself to traditional physical exam skills. We all need to learn to listen to our patients but this is probably all a good psychiatrist really needs to do to nail a diagnosis, apart from asking the occasional leading question.

Not very competitive which leads to the same sort of thing you see in other non-competitive specialties, that is, a wide range of abilities in people who apply for it. Some of the worst residents I have ever seen were in psychiatry-but also some of the best. Some people match into it out of a real love for the specialty. Others, particularly foreign medical graduates, use it to establish a toehold in the United States.

About the worst intern I have ever seen was a guy from some South American diploma mill whose only redeeming characteristic was that he made the third year medical students look good. I was a third year medical student at the time and helped him out as much as I could by identifying the location of major organs for him and keeping him up to date on the latest guidelines for normal blood pressures. You know, complicated things like that. He didn’t actually ask me what all of those squiggly lines meant on the EKG but I know he was thinking it.

A good psychiatrist, on the other hand, can work what seem like miracles. So pick your program carefully.

Also a “lifestyle” specialty. Very much a nine-to-five job. There are psychiatric emergencies but Vitamin H will keep the patient fresh until morning. Many, many different ways to practice with a wide range of income potential depending on what you do and how well you do it.

Radiology

What’s there not to like about Radiology? Good pay, relatively easy residency, no rounding, no physical exams, no urine spattered drunks, no drug seekers, and empathy is optional. If you play your cards right you can spend your career sitting in a darkened room like some ancient Greek oracle looking at interesting pictures and making profound but strangely non-committal comments. Is it any wonder that radiology is one of the more competitive specialties?

You can do interventional radiology as well and get the best of both worlds. That is, patient contact with the ability to retreat into your mysterious lair when you get tired of it.

I am jealous of radiologists. As an Emergency Medicine resident I spend my day thinking to myself, “Thank God I am not that poor slob. His residency is brutal.” But not when it comes to the radiology residents. That, my friends, is the life.

The big worry of radiologists is that they will be replaced, either by off-shore sweatshop radiologists working for Indian minimum wage or by advances in imaging technology which will make studies so easy to read that the radiologist will be like the guy bringing punch to your prom date. Helpful, but not a real factor in your chances to score later on.

These fears are unfounded. As long as medicine continues to operate in a predatory legal environment, the carnivorous lawyers are not about to let their prey scamper away to the green pastures of safety beyond the big water. In this respect the lawyer is the radiologist’s friend. Sure, you may get a “wet read” on a CT at 3AM from Bangalore but liability being what it is an American (and thus litigatable) radiologist is going to have to sprinkle holy water on it.

With this being the case, why bother having somebody on the other side of the world look at it if he can’t cover your ass? Most of us can (or will learn how to) distinguish the big killers and the common things on x-rays, CTs and MRIs anyways so there is no real service being offered here.

Will imaging technology ever get so good that he radiologist will be redundant? Don’t bet on it. Better images will paradoxically lead to the need for a more precise and expedient diagnosis. One day, when every patient who enters the hospital walks through a whole body scanner a la Star Trek, we will still need radiologists to make sense of it all.

Nuclear Medicine

Radiology’s slightly slow cousin Wilbur. A two-year residency after a preliminary year in anything. The use of radioactive isotopes which are ingested, injected, or inhaled to make images of the body using gamma ray cameras (Scintilography). Different from radiology where external radiation (well, except for MRI) is used to produce an image of anatomy, nuclear medicine uses internal radiation to produce an image of physiological function.

Thnk things like PET, SPECT, radionuclide angiocariography (RNA), multiple gated acquisition (MUGA), and the like. Not to mention V/Q scans, bone scans, and all kind of whiz-bang, golly gee image modalities.

Can you get a job just specializing in Nuclear Medicine outside of academia? Probably not. I was thinking about it as I looked for a way to escape the empathetic talons of Duke and did a little research. Generally speaking, most places want their nuclear medicine guys to be double-boarded in radiology and nuclear medicine. As a result nuclear medicine is functionally a radiology fellowship. Either that or it is used as an “in” to radiology.

There are very few nuclear medicine residency programs because of this.

If I am wrong about his than I am willing to be corrected.

Two Minute Drill

Your Opinions Will Vary

Haterade is welcome but please have a point.

Internal Medicine

The backbone of medicine. You will know a lot about everything upon completion of residency, so much that you will frighten those around you, especially when you generate a three page differential diagnosis from obscure symptoms, every item of which is reasonable and makes sense. I genuflect to IM residents for whom I have the deepest respect.

Rounding. Rounding. Round some more. If you don’t like it, don’t even think about it.

Unpopular specialty with American medical students except those hoping to subspecialize because, well, primary care is unpopular at this time. Many, many fellowships in anything from Infectious Diseases to Hematology-Oncology. Nephrologists are so smart they make other doctors submissively urinate. Very easy to get a residency position somewhere although there are many programs which are individually extremely competitive. Somewhat more difficult to land a good fellowship so you are not done with writing personal statements and begging for a job just yet.

Urology

I am not mature enough to be a urologist because most of the jokes I know involve testicles and penes. (The plural of “penis”) One week in medical school was enough. I am just not interested in men’s sexual dysfunction and I don’t want to pry into their sex lives which is what a good urologist needs to do. I suppose you can get used to anything but I just don’t know.

Very competitive specialty, by the way. Well paying and the residency hours are not bad for a surgical specialty. Heck, the hours are pretty good compared to any residency. I can’t imagine call is too intense. Are there really that many urologic emergencies?

Of course, the ideal urologist would be named Richard Johnson, Dick Wiener, or Dong Hung Lo. I understand they give you extra points for the match if you have a descriptive name.

Seriously, though, a very cool surgical specialty which is broad enough to encompass clinic work and a variety of surgical procedures but focused enough where you are not worrying about every little thing. From talking to residents, I understand that they have tremendous job satisfaction primarily because of patient gratitude. You hate the guy who gives you blood pressure medications. You love the guy who gives you Viagra.

Family Medicine

See my many post on this subject. “Family” Medicine. Not manly. Not manly at all. “Family” anything is just not sexy. Too non-threatening. Trauma Surgery is the dangerous-looking thug dating and impregnating your daughter before dumping her for a Bolivian hooker with a wooden leg. Family Medicine is the decent, slightly pudgy guy named “Walter” who really loves your daughter for her personality and will live with the shame of being the step-father to the dangerous guy’s kid. And even though he beat her, your daughter still prefers the thug to her husband.

But that’s just me. It is a decent specialty but hugely unpopular like most of primary care. Despite pages of AMCAS personal statements now in the dustbin of application history, most people grow to find chronic management of patients somewhat unappealing. Sure, I liked some of my patients and was very happy to see them but you’re pretty much stuck with them all.

Family Medicine’s scope is too broad as it encompasses pediatrics, internal medicine, and Obstetrics and Gynecology (OB/Gyn). Let’s give it the benefit of the doubt and say intern year is interchangeble between these specialties. (it isn’t, you understand but let’s be charitable) You are still left with 2 years of FM to learn 2 year worth of peds, two years worth of internal medicine, and four years of OB/Gyn. That’s eight years of knowledge to cram into two years of FM after intern year.

Now, Family Physicians don’t claim to be pediatricians or internists but why take your kid to the FP whent there is a pediatrician in town? Also, most FPs don’t do a lick of OB secondary to the inabilty to get priveleges and liabilty so why bother getting the training other than the basic intern training that I believe every intern in every specialty should have?

Tremendous fear among family physicians and residents that they will be replaced eventually by Physician Assistants and Nurse Practioners who operate as primary care providors in many states almost free from physician supervision. Maybe not replaced but salary parity would make going to medical school and residency, seven years total, seem like a bad investment when a two or three years master’s degree gets the same pay.

If that weren’t bad enough, the fellowship offerings for those who wish to subspecialize are mighty slim pickings and few lead to accredidation in the new specialty. Sports Medicine is one good fellowship and much sought after. You can do an OB fellowship and (I believe) an Emergency Medicicne fellowship but neither lead to board certification and may or may not be career enhancing. Plenty of government jobs if you have the hankering to get a Masters of Public Health or work as the liason to some quasi-governmental group pushing hard for socialized medicine so the nanny-state can get us to eat our vegetables and lose weight.

General Surgery

Some surgery residency programs brag (well, sort of) that they have a 100 percent divorce rate among their residents. Work hour limitations or not, surgery is a very demanding residency. You have to be very dedicated to surgery to survive. Emergency Medicine, family medicine, anesthesia, and many other specialties are littered with ex-surgery residents who looked around and said, “It’s not worth it.” And not just interns, either.

Very demanding schedule. Not only will you operate but you will also have clinic duties which most surgeons dislike as it keeps them from the OR. Expect early mornings and late evenings with plenty of call.

The tradeoff is that surgery is very cool. It requires skill and precision and ideally will yield concrete results. Patients love their surgeons. Again, the internist can have worked with the patient for ten years managing a plethora of potentially deadly and complex medical conditions but take out his gall bladder and you are his hero for life.

General surgery is mostly abdominal and digestive tract surgery. Colectomies, gall bladders, and the like. Hernia repairs. A lot of wound management. Many opportunities to sub-specialize. Cardiothoracic surgery is a separate specialty and residency as is neurosurgery.

I liked trauma surgery but it and another month of general surgery during medical school was enough for me. I endured rather than enjoyed my two surgery rotations as an intern at Duke.

Pretty competitive, too.

Obsterics and Gynecolgy

After you get over your natural revulsion at looking at vagina as a career, it is a very intersting specialty which is, like urology, broad enough for plenty of variety but not so broad that you spend your career chasing every little thing. For those who don’t know, it is both a surgical and a clinic-based specialty. Mostly pelvic surgeries of course. Hysterectomies, obviously. But all kinds of other things including “slings” to repair prolapsed bladders and cancer surgery. Also primary care for women, annual exams, pap smears, and other bread-and-butter stuff.

Babies too. Managing pregnancy and delivery. A lot better than pediatrics because once the umbilical chord is cut you never have to deal with the child again…ever….a big plus in my book.

Scroll down for description of a typical day for an intern on an OB servive.

Do I like delivering babies? I don’t dislike it but it is not on my top twenty list of things I enjoy. Can men do OB? Of course, but the specialty is female dominated and getting more so under the general and absolutely wrong-headed assumption that patients should be treated by Doctors who “look like them.” My internist is a chick. I don’t begrudge her the yearly prostate exam.

Probably the most clique-ish of any residency. Relatively cool towards outsiders and rotators. I also think that OB residents are the most malignant towards medical students and interns, not surgeons as is commonly believed. You can get along with a surgeon. I cannot, easily, grow a vagina so it is an uphill struggle.

I have tremendous respect for the specialty, however.

Pediatrics

Perhaps the most boring clinic known to man. Most kids are healthy, thank God, but they are still brought to the doctor with distressing regularity for “well child checks,” colds, eczema, diarrhea, and other usually minor complaints.

“Well Child Checks.” Pointless but you have to concentrate because every now and then you will pick up something that will have lifetime consequences if not treated. Can someone please computerize the growth charts? I get eye strain looking at them.

Pediatric wards, however, are very cool. Sick kids usually get well when skillfully managed (and even unskillfully managed) which is very gratifying. Pediatric residents are the equal of internal medicine residents when it comes to medical knowlede. Pedatrics is internal medicine for children when you think about it. Every adult sub-specialty has it’s pediatric equivalent. Pediatric Nephrology, Pediatric Gastroenterology etc. so there are many opportunities for fellowships.

A very challenging but at the same time non-malignant residency, I have been told. Come on. These people talk to kids all day. It takes a true psycopath to talk sweetly to a four-year-old and then turn to his confused intern and call him a “waste of sperm.” It’s just not like that.

General pediatrics suffers from low salaries in practice but the specialty is still popular and is probably the one field which is a “calling” to most of it’s participants. I am a cynical dog and something of a misanthropist but I love our children’s pediatrician.

Emergency Medicine

What’s there not to like, especially in residency? Regular and predictable hours as it is shift-work. Incredible variety of patients, everything from chronic stable back pain that all of a sudden became an emergency at three in the morning to major, extremely sloppy trauma. Gynecological exam for an STD and five minutes later pushing thrombolytics for a massive pulmonary embolus. Plus you are safe from those “two dudes” are causing all of that mayhem out there.

It’s the only specialty where SOCMOB (Standing on Corner, Minding Own Business) is a legitmate abbreviation, as in “Patient was SOCMOB when he was attacked by two dudes. Also a good specialty to meet fellow christians as everybody was either sitting on their porch at 2 AM reading their bible or coming home from bible study when they were attacked.

The residency hours are pretty decent too, although you will be on a vampire schedule much of the time. It is a stealth “lifestyle” specialty as most people don’t realize the advantage of working four days in a row and then getting three days off. It pays very well, too, as there is currently a shortage of board certified Emergency Physicians. It is definitely the best paying three-year specialty.

Best jokes and most laid-back colleagues of any residency. EM residents need to cultivate affability and calmness. Other specialties might throw a hissy fit but we feel your pain even if we are killing you with admits. You need to like multi-tasking and managing many patients simultaneously. Prioritizing is important. The triage nurse stacks them in the order of severity and you also have to decide who needs the attention like right now and who can simmer a bit.

You also need to develop the ability to make decisions with limited information. If a patient has no chart and can’t communicate there’s not too much history to ellicit except what the paramedics tell you.

Two Minute Drill

Your Opinions Will Vary

Haterade is welcome but please have a point.

Internal Medicine

The backbone of medicine. You will know a lot about everything upon completion of residency, so much that you will frighten those around you, especially when you generate a three page differential diagnosis from obscure symptoms, every item of which is reasonable and makes sense. I genuflect to IM residents for whom I have the deepest respect.

Rounding. Rounding. Round some more. If you don’t like it, don’t even think about it.

Unpopular specialty with American medical students except those hoping to subspecialize because, well, primary care is unpopular at this time. Many, many fellowships in anything from Infectious Diseases to Hematology-Oncology. Nephrologists are so smart they make other doctors submissively urinate. Very easy to get a residency position somewhere although there are many programs which are individually extremely competitive. Somewhat more difficult to land a good fellowship so you are not done with writing personal statements and begging for a job just yet.

Urology

I am not mature enough to be a urologist because most of the jokes I know involve testicles and penes. (The plural of “penis”) One week in medical school was enough. I am just not interested in men’s sexual dysfunction and I don’t want to pry into their sex lives which is what a good urologist needs to do. I suppose you can get used to anything but I just don’t know.

Very competitive specialty, by the way. Well paying and the residency hours are not bad for a surgical specialty. Heck, the hours are pretty good compared to any residency. I can’t imagine call is too intense. Are there really that many urologic emergencies?

Of course, the ideal urologist would be named Richard Johnson, Dick Wiener, or Dong Hung Lo. I understand they give you extra points for the match if you have a descriptive name.

Seriously, though, a very cool surgical specialty which is broad enough to encompass clinic work and a variety of surgical procedures but focused enough where you are not worrying about every little thing. From talking to residents, I understand that they have tremendous job satisfaction primarily because of patient gratitude. You hate the guy who gives you blood pressure medications. You love the guy who gives you Viagra.

Family Medicine

See my many post on this subject. “Family” Medicine. Not manly. Not manly at all. “Family” anything is just not sexy. Too non-threatening. Trauma Surgery is the dangerous-looking thug dating and impregnating your daughter before dumping her for a Bolivian hooker with a wooden leg. Family Medicine is the decent, slightly pudgy guy named “Walter” who really loves your daughter for her personality and will live with the shame of being the step-father to the dangerous guy’s kid. And even though he beat her, your daughter still prefers the thug to her husband.

But that’s just me. It is a decent specialty but hugely unpopular like most of primary care. Despite pages of AMCAS personal statements now in the dustbin of application history, most people grow to find chronic management of patients somewhat unappealing. Sure, I liked some of my patients and was very happy to see them but you’re pretty much stuck with them all.

Family Medicine’s scope is too broad as it encompasses pediatrics, internal medicine, and Obstetrics and Gynecology (OB/Gyn). Let’s give it the benefit of the doubt and say intern year is interchangeble between these specialties. (it isn’t, you understand but let’s be charitable) You are still left with 2 years of FM to learn 2 year worth of peds, two years worth of internal medicine, and four years of OB/Gyn. That’s eight years of knowledge to cram into two years of FM after intern year.

Now, Family Physicians don’t claim to be pediatricians or internists but why take your kid to the FP whent there is a pediatrician in town? Also, most FPs don’t do a lick of OB secondary to the inabilty to get priveleges and liabilty so why bother getting the training other than the basic intern training that I believe every intern in every specialty should have?

Tremendous fear among family physicians and residents that they will be replaced eventually by Physician Assistants and Nurse Practioners who operate as primary care providors in many states almost free from physician supervision. Maybe not replaced but salary parity would make going to medical school and residency, seven years total, seem like a bad investment when a two or three years master’s degree gets the same pay.

If that weren’t bad enough, the fellowship offerings for those who wish to subspecialize are mighty slim pickings and few lead to accredidation in the new specialty. Sports Medicine is one good fellowship and much sought after. You can do an OB fellowship and (I believe) an Emergency Medicicne fellowship but neither lead to board certification and may or may not be career enhancing. Plenty of government jobs if you have the hankering to get a Masters of Public Health or work as the liason to some quasi-governmental group pushing hard for socialized medicine so the nanny-state can get us to eat our vegetables and lose weight.

General Surgery

Some surgery residency programs brag (well, sort of) that they have a 100 percent divorce rate among their residents. Work hour limitations or not, surgery is a very demanding residency. You have to be very dedicated to surgery to survive. Emergency Medicine, family medicine, anesthesia, and many other specialties are littered with ex-surgery residents who looked around and said, “It’s not worth it.” And not just interns, either.

Very demanding schedule. Not only will you operate but you will also have clinic duties which most surgeons dislike as it keeps them from the OR. Expect early mornings and late evenings with plenty of call.

The tradeoff is that surgery is very cool. It requires skill and precision and ideally will yield concrete results. Patients love their surgeons. Again, the internist can have worked with the patient for ten years managing a plethora of potentially deadly and complex medical conditions but take out his gall bladder and you are his hero for life.

General surgery is mostly abdominal and digestive tract surgery. Colectomies, gall bladders, and the like. Hernia repairs. A lot of wound management. Many opportunities to sub-specialize. Cardiothoracic surgery is a separate specialty and residency as is neurosurgery.

I liked trauma surgery but it and another month of general surgery during medical school was enough for me. I endured rather than enjoyed my two surgery rotations as an intern at Duke.

Pretty competitive, too.

Obsterics and Gynecolgy

After you get over your natural revulsion at looking at vagina as a career, it is a very intersting specialty which is, like urology, broad enough for plenty of variety but not so broad that you spend your career chasing every little thing. For those who don’t know, it is both a surgical and a clinic-based specialty. Mostly pelvic surgeries of course. Hysterectomies, obviously. But all kinds of other things including “slings” to repair prolapsed bladders and cancer surgery. Also primary care for women, annual exams, pap smears, and other bread-and-butter stuff.

Babies too. Managing pregnancy and delivery. A lot better than pediatrics because once the umbilical chord is cut you never have to deal with the child again…ever….a big plus in my book.

Scroll down for description of a typical day for an intern on an OB servive.

Do I like delivering babies? I don’t dislike it but it is not on my top twenty list of things I enjoy. Can men do OB? Of course, but the specialty is female dominated and getting more so under the general and absolutely wrong-headed assumption that patients should be treated by Doctors who “look like them.” My internist is a chick. I don’t begrudge her the yearly prostate exam.

Probably the most clique-ish of any residency. Relatively cool towards outsiders and rotators. I also think that OB residents are the most malignant towards medical students and interns, not surgeons as is commonly believed. You can get along with a surgeon. I cannot, easily, grow a vagina so it is an uphill struggle.

I have tremendous respect for the specialty, however.

Pediatrics

Perhaps the most boring clinic known to man. Most kids are healthy, thank God, but they are still brought to the doctor with distressing regularity for “well child checks,” colds, eczema, diarrhea, and other usually minor complaints.

“Well Child Checks.” Pointless but you have to concentrate because every now and then you will pick up something that will have lifetime consequences if not treated. Can someone please computerize the growth charts? I get eye strain looking at them.

Pediatric wards, however, are very cool. Sick kids usually get well when skillfully managed (and even unskillfully managed) which is very gratifying. Pediatric residents are the equal of internal medicine residents when it comes to medical knowlede. Pedatrics is internal medicine for children when you think about it. Every adult sub-specialty has it’s pediatric equivalent. Pediatric Nephrology, Pediatric Gastroenterology etc. so there are many opportunities for fellowships.

A very challenging but at the same time non-malignant residency, I have been told. Come on. These people talk to kids all day. It takes a true psycopath to talk sweetly to a four-year-old and then turn to his confused intern and call him a “waste of sperm.” It’s just not like that.

General pediatrics suffers from low salaries in practice but the specialty is still popular and is probably the one field which is a “calling” to most of it’s participants. I am a cynical dog and something of a misanthropist but I love our children’s pediatrician.

Emergency Medicine

What’s there not to like, especially in residency? Regular and predictable hours as it is shift-work. Incredible variety of patients, everything from chronic stable back pain that all of a sudden became an emergency at three in the morning to major, extremely sloppy trauma. Gynecological exam for an STD and five minutes later pushing thrombolytics for a massive pulmonary embolus. Plus you are safe from those “two dudes” are causing all of that mayhem out there.

It’s the only specialty where SOCMOB (Standing on Corner, Minding Own Business) is a legitmate abbreviation, as in “Patient was SOCMOB when he was attacked by two dudes. Also a good specialty to meet fellow christians as everybody was either sitting on their porch at 2 AM reading their bible or coming home from bible study when they were attacked.

The residency hours are pretty decent too, although you will be on a vampire schedule much of the time. It is a stealth “lifestyle” specialty as most people don’t realize the advantage of working four days in a row and then getting three days off. It pays very well, too, as there is currently a shortage of board certified Emergency Physicians. It is definitely the best paying three-year specialty.

Best jokes and most laid-back colleagues of any residency. EM residents need to cultivate affability and calmness. Other specialties might throw a hissy fit but we feel your pain even if we are killing you with admits. You need to like multi-tasking and managing many patients simultaneously. Prioritizing is important. The triage nurse stacks them in the order of severity and you also have to decide who needs the attention like right now and who can simmer a bit.

You also need to develop the ability to make decisions with limited information. If a patient has no chart and can’t communicate there’s not too much history to ellicit except what the paramedics tell you.

How Do You Like It So Far?

It’s Going to Get Worse Before It Gets Better

Many of you have just started medical school and I want to congratulate you and remind you that no matter how bleak it looks during the first few months of first year, the time will pass and one day you will look back and wonder where the four years went.

That doesn’t mean, however, that it’s going to be a bed of roses and that you will come to enjoy every precious minute of your adventure. In fact, it is going to get worse, much worse, before it gets better. And then it will get worse again but after that I don’t know because I haven’t got there yet.

I enjoyed the first two years of medical school. I studied, of course, and as you faithful readers of my humble blog know I probably should have studied harder. Still, after the initial shock of the first couple of months of first year things weren’t really that bad. Unless you are at a school that does a lot of the so-called “Problem Based Learning” (or PBL) where you pretty much have to show up every day because your absence from your small group will be missed, you are on autopilot during first and second year. With the exception of anatomy lab and a few other mandatory functions, you can pretty much come and go as you please and only show up for the tests.

Because I was kicked out of college in the early eighties, in part because I never went to class, I have something of a fetish about attendance. On the other hand, I knew that if I was late or just didn’t feel like going it it was no big deal. I skipped a day, for example, to pick up my puppy Daphne from the animal shelter and get her settled at the house.

As you are no doubt discovering, most of your professors give you acess to their Powerpoints, notes, and even videos of the lecture. Not to mention detailed syllabi and even, at most schools, a student-run note-taking services. It is easy to skip class, especially since most schools do not have mandatory attendance.

My point? Don’t freak out over first and second year. While there is a lot of material, if you play your cards right you can treat medical school like a regular job and avoid the stress that will turn many of your peers into jittery freaks. During first and second year we got every federal and state holiday, a long Christmas and Spring break, and eight weeks of vacation between first and second year. Additionally, you can show up to class in pajamas (because medical students often wear scrubs even if they have no clinical need for them) at whatever time you please and also depart at your leisure. If you were only to chill out a little and not obsess over how hard you have it, you will find that there are plenty of hours in the day for study, exercise, recreation, or whatever your taste in procrastinating.

You just have to have a little self-discipline. Maybe we can call it “slacking with a purpose.” In other words, you have just got to prioritize. If attending seven hours of lecture a day and then studying into the night is burning you out, then stop going to lecture but have the self-discipline to spend that free time studying. First and second year are self-study anyways. You will have the notes, you will have the syllabus. You will, God forbid, have the textbooks if your taste runs in that direction.

I was fortunate to go to a medical school that was lecture-based but had cut the number of lectures down to a more reasonable day. It was unusual to be in class past two and this gave me plenty of time to study before going home. I spent more time with my wife and family during first and second year than at any other time in my life. My wife used to say, “Hey, I thought you were in medical school.”

So when does it get worse?

Third year.

After two years of keeping your own hours suddenly you will find yourself stuck places. Stuck in clinic. Stuck with your team as you round for hours and hours. Stuck attending conferences where your absence is not tolerated. Stuck on call. Stuck looking like an idiot on numerous occasions or worse yet, stuck in the role of fifth wheel

I have worked my whole life and first and second year seemed like a vacation. Third year was like going back to work. I liked it but I’d be lying if I said I was thrilled to death on the first day of third year in my spanking-new short white coat opening the door to my very first real patient’s room with only a vague idea of what I was supposed to do.

So enjoy first and second year. Here is some random study advice. Remember who’s giving it to you. I didn’t exactly cover myself in academic glory. On the other hand I think even the most cynical and vindicative will see the logic to my method.

After I recovered from the initital shock of the first test of first year, I adopted a more disciplined approach to studying which included the self-discipline to stop studying at the designated time. You can cover a lot of ground in four or five hours if you avoid distractions. If you read Powerpoint notes then you can probably read a whole week’s worth in two hours. Additionally, BRS and other review books are made to be read quckly.

I favor repetition over trying to get something down the first time. I despise brute-force memorization and refuse to do it.

Let me reiterate my test-taking theory for all of you new people: Most tests are multiple choice. At most schools, every lecture accounts for three or four questions on the test. Most tests (at my school anyways) were around two-hundred questions which means you can miss 60 questions and still pass. Suppose you have a lecture on the Krebb’s Cycle in which the professor has warned you to memorize every intermediate reaction and every product or suffer dire consequences. Suppose most of the other lectures are concept oriented and not as nit-picky.You, my friend, now have a choice. You can devote hours and hours of finite study time memorizing boring and unimportant details which you will forget five minutes after the test or you can completely blow off that lecture and devote your time to other topics which are not as difficult.

At the very worst you will sacrifice three or four questions on the test. Probably less because you can probably make an educated guess or two. My point is that you can always select four or five of the worst lectures to completely blow off.

This is hard to do. Our instinct is to fight and claw for every point but sometimes this is counterproductive. I dreaded studying some subjects because they were extremely boring. I felt a lot better about studying once I admitted this to myself and stopped trying to fight it.

Ask Uncle Panda

1. Say, Uncle Panda, what exactly do you like about Emergency Medicine? I thought the hours were crazy and the burn-out rate was high. What about it?

From the perspective of residency training, Emergency Medicine is far superior to any other specialty. First of all, it’s the most like a regular job of any residency. With the exception of off-service rotations which will fill roughly a third of your three year training (most programs are three years long) you will be working set shifts with a pre-determined start and finish time. (Although you shouldn’t expect to get out exactly when your shift is over as there are usually things to either tie up or sign out.)

To my mind, there is nothing more annoying than coming in early to pre-round on patients only to round on them again with the attending. A tremendous waste of effort. I’m also not exactly sure why we need to come in early on rotations like internal medicine. It’s not like the patients are going anywhere. What invariably happens is a short burst of frenzied activity from 6 AM until ten followed by large patches of dead time until around four…at which point there is usually another burst of frenzied activity. I’m sure this pattern is inevitable but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

As to burn out, I don’t know. I’m new to the profession and I will have to defer to the opinions of my more senior colleagues. It is my understanding that “burn-out” is greatly exaggerated. Emergency Medicine self-selects for people who like variety, working weird hours, and making quick decisions with incomplete information. While this would quickly burn out someone who likes a more deliberative pace, EM physicians look at this as routine and a good trade for working fewer hours and fewer days.

No questions that the pace is a lot more intense than most other specialties. In a busy emergency department the residents are working all the time. Productivity is critical in the “shop” and second and third year residents are expected to see and “dispo” at least 2.5 patients per hour. On a twelve hour shift this works out to 30 patients which is a lot. It is true that some patients have relatively minor complaints which don’t take that much time but as often as not the next three will be very sick with multiple comorbidities. Not to mention the traumas that roll in periodically. The net result of all this is that a good Emergency Medicine resident has to learn how to juggle multiple patients. If you can’t prioritize, organize, and keep track of multiple plans for many different patients you probably won’t like Emergency Medicine.

As to the hours, they are indeed crazy. While most programs make an effort to accommodate your circadian rhythm, when all is said and done you will be working a lot of nights and leading a vampire-like existence. On the other hand you will be driving opposite rush hour traffic, the banks will be open when you get off work, and academic teaching hospitals are a good deal more laid-back after normal working hours.

Does Family Practice suck?

No, of course not. I didn’t like it but that’s just me. As it emphasizes long-term management of chronic diseases it is not for those with ADD, short attention spans, or who get bored easily. I want to dispel the myth, however, that Family Physicians have some sort of leisurely, non-demanding lifestyle. The fact is that like any other job, productivity is important. In family medicine where the reimbursement for the usual visit is low, patient volume is important. A Family Medicine resident may see as many patients in a day as an Emergency Medicine resident. On the other hand he is unlikely to be working on more than two or three at a time, the presenting complaints are usually less acute, and the chances are good that the resident has seen the patient before and can skip some of the usual history taking.

It is also an unwritten but very real expectation of patients that their family doctor spend some time chatting with them. This is a very important part of the art of medicine but it does add to the time for a patient encounter, especially the family medicine patients that want to talk about everything and who will not shut up. A good family physician masters the art of redirecting the conversation without appearing rude and winnowing down a long list of complaints to the most pressing without appearing callous.

In the Emergency Department it is all right to be a little more brisk as the situation demands.

Just a random thought, maybe if they changed the name of the specialty it might attract more guys. Let’s face it, Family medicine has a decidedly feminine, non-threatening ring to it and calls to mind images of gentle, sensitive men nurturing woman and children. This is not how most guys see themselves. What most of us really want to do is get in touch with our inner Cro-Magnon, not our inner child.

Can a Physician have an Opinion?

You No Like?

Although the comments posted by the readers of this blog have been generally positive, you may as well know that I have recieved quite a few irate private communications about my impression of Duke, Duke’s now defunct family medicine program, and Family Medicine in general. I say “irate” but perhaps dismissive would be a better word, the general tone being that as I was just an intern I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Some have even suggested that I am jeapordizing my professional career by publically criticising such a behemouth as Duke. I can’t get this image out of my head of Don Vito Corleone using all of those good empathy tricks to engage me, communicate his interest in me, and make me feel like I was a person worth his time before he had one of his heavies whack me.

I’m not going to belabor the obvious by chanting the mantra about this blog being just my opinion. Of course it is. And of course I am right about some things which makes it both my opinion and fact at the same time. Family Medicine is unpopular among American medical school graduates and the approach taken by Duke is not going to change this. The first statement is objective fact and the second is educated opinion. You can scream all you want, call me ignorant, insensitive, and a know-nothing but the community medicine experiment didn’t pan out, at least from the point of view of physician involvement, and I would suspect that other programs, particularly at my Alma Mater LSU Shreveport, who are either implementing or considering the Duke model are now having second thoughts. Either that or bureaucratic inertia, being the one unstoppable force in this bad old world of ours, is carrying them to their ruin.

As for not liking Duke, well, that is just personal opinion. This is going to sound trite but when I eat lunch with my collegues I like to talk about interesting things. At Duke, all anybody ever wants to talk about is medicine. Hey, I like medicine. It is interesting but it ain’t that interesting. Or rather, listening to somebody pontificating about it is not that interesting, particularly when they start throwing the results of studies at me.

Eyes glaze over. That’s why I do my own reading every day. It is more efficient, I learn more, and I am not trapped in a lunch conference looking at power-points eating organic chicken wraps. What I really like to do for lunch (if all of my patients are taken care of and nothing needs to be done) is drink a Cherry Diet Coke and listen to Rush Limbaugh.

Is that a crime? Just like I believe that sleep should not be a privelege and therefore call blows, I also believe that a break every now and then is not a sign of weakness but merely a desire to refresh the brain by contemplating other things besides work or even nothing at all. Unless you are a surgeon, the day is not so chock-full of activity that we can’t enjoy a pleasant meal together where we talk about sports, movies, or girls we’ve banged.

So the thing I dislike about Duke was that everybody was so obssesive, to the point that it was nearly impossible to hold a normal conversation. I actually witnessed, on many occasions, interns pimping other interns. This happened to me at lunch once when the conversation inevitably turned to medicine and one of my fellow interns turned to me and said, “Hey, Panda, what’s the differential for painless hematuria.”

“Your mother,” was my prompt reply.

Hey, I’m eating here. I don’t want to talk about or contemplate genitourinary issues. Is that too wierd?

ICU

Waiting for a Miracle

“You understand that if your father’s heart stops we’re going to be pounding on his chest and shocking him to try to get it started,” I say to the family of Mr. Green, “There will many people in the room who you have never met inserting lines in his veins and arteries, drawing blood, giving him fluids, and it will be controlled chaos. If we get him back he will just be even more critically ill than he is now and the next time his heart stops we will repeat the same routine.”

Mr. Green is eaten up by cancer which has metastasized everywhere including his brain. It seems difficult for the family to understand the connection with this and the large fungiating, bloody melanoma on his right big toe. (“Can’t you just amputate his toe?”) He is on the ventilator and is also on a pressor drip (levophed, or epinephrine) to maintain his blood pressure. To say he is not doing well would be an understatement.

“We understand that, Doctor, but we’re praying for a miracle.”

This is by far the worst part of this ICU rotation. Everybody likes to deliver good news but in the ICU it is often necessary to concede defeat. Resident or not, whatever your level of experience you become the point-man of the whole medical profession and it is your job to explain that whatever propaganda the family may have heard, there is no cure for death and when it’s time to go, it’s time to go.

“I’m a religious man myself,” I begin, carefully choosing my words, “And I believe that God watches over all of us and will not abandon us in our time of need. But I also know that any further treatment for your father is only going to put off the inevitable. I can’t tell you how long he has. It may be twenty minutes, it may be a week. I don’t know. But I can say with certainty that we have come to the limits of our ability to do anything but briefly prolong his and your suffering.”

Distressed look from the family.

“So I believe that the best thing to do is to keep him comfortable,” I continue, again choosing my words very carefully, “Trying our best to preserve his peace and dignity.”

“Do we have to decide right away?” asks Mr. Green’s oldest daughter, “We would like to get more of the family involved.”

“Please, take all the time you need. Have the nurse page me when you come to a decision.”

The decision is to change his code status from “full code,” meaning that every effort will be taken to restart his heart and support his breathing, to “Do Not Intubate/Do Not Resuscitate (DNI/DNR).” A simple decision from the point of view of the physician and nurses but incredibly painful for the family who have a lifetime of history with Mr. Green.

A critical care physician once related to me the story of a patient of his who at the age of 82 and after a lifetime of diabetes had developed renal failure requiring dialysis three times a week. He was completely blind, a triple amputee, unable to speak as a result of throat cancer, and had right-sided heart failure from COPD. He had recently undergone a partial colectomy for ischemic bowel and had a colostomy. He was fed via a PEG tube (Percutaneous Endoscopic Gastrostomy) and breathed through a tracheostomy on supplemental oxygen. As one last insult he had recently suffered an MI which burned out a significant portion of his left ventricle dropping his ejection fraction, already low from the right sided heart failure (which drops cardiac output by decreasing amount of blood to the left side of the heart) to something barely compatible with life. But he clung to life and communicated that he wanted every measure taken to keep him alive.

“You know,” The physician said to me, “In Europe they would have let this guy go five years ago. There’s no way they would expend the kind of resources we have to keep him alive.”

“What do you think about it?” I asked.

“I think it’s a tremendous testament of the will of the human spirit to live and I’ll do everything I can for the guy.”

So there’s the problem. When do you keep a patient alive even when treatment appears to be futile? In the case of a patient who can make his own decisions the answer is clear. You do what he asks. When the family acts as a surrogate the decision is a lot more complex. In the case of Mr. Green, the oldest daughter took me aside and confided to me that her brother and her father had had a falling out several years before and had never patched things up. The brother was the strongest advocate for taking all possible measures to keep his father alive.

It would not be too much of a stretch to believe that guilt played some role in the son’s attitude towards his father whose death would leave a lot of important things unsaid, perhaps an apology and a reconciliation.

But that’s how it goes in the ICU. Some patients get better. Some get worse and die despite your best efforts. And some come in and make you wonder why they were admitted because nothing can be done beyond comfort measure.. The ICU shouldn’t be a place for hospice or palliative care but it is sometimes used for this purpose.

I Will See You On the Flip Side

Well, I’m moving. Consequently blogging is going to be light for at least the next month as once again I will load our house into the biggest moving van that Uhaul rents and drive 800 miles to Lansing with nobody but my Black Lab, Persephone and my Catahoula Spotted Leopard Dog, Daphne for company. Hector, a funny kind of terrier-mix will be riding in his cage in my towed car with the windows rolled down.

My wife will follow a few days later with the kids and the other two dogs, Zoe and Penelope.

I appreciate your reading my humble blog and please keep checking back every now and then.

Now I Don’t Feel So Bad About Leaving

They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

As many of you know, I am a family medicine intern at Duke University, at least until June 9th which is, thankfully, my last day after which I start my Emergency Medicine residency. (The entire saga is recounted in previous posts for those who are interested.) As you also know, the Family Medicine residency program has been closed. We received an urgent email from the Program Head last Thursday “strongly advising” us to attend a noon meeting for all residents and staff. Lunch, we were informed, would be provided which lent a pleasant air of normalcy to what sounded like impending bad news.

I mean they’d probably have the ubiquitous ceaser chicken wraps. How bad could it be? Still, the program had not been doing well of late. After an internet smear campaign waged by several of the eight residents who have quit in the last two years as well as a general lack of enthusiasm nation-wide for family medicine, the program only matched two out of a possible six positions and scrambled for an additional two. Not very good results for a program at one of the most prestigious medical centers in the world.

Naturally I didn’t attend the meeting as I was rotating on OB. Since I am leaving I figured it was just another one of those meetings they are always calling to get some more resident input on how to fix the program. Generally speaking there has been little interest in anything but complete agreement so why bother? Besides, we were getting slammed and I delivered three babies that day just in triage. (Precipitous deliveries, you understand, when you reach in and feel the babies ears.)

So I forgot about the meeting until a lull in the action when I checked my email and found a message from a program director in California offering me her condolences that the program was closing and also offering me a position in her program.

So what happened? You can go here http://cfm.mc.duke.edu/News.htm and read the usual bureaucratic drivel. Let me give you my opinion.

Family Medicine is hugely unpopular as a specialty. I’m sorry if this is offensive but it’s the truth, at least as reflected by the small numbers of your classmates who will go into it compared to the ready availability of family medicine residency positions, a large portion of which go unfilled in the match every year. Whether it’s the low salary of family medicine physicians compared to specialists, the lack of prestige of the specialty, or the lack of interest in chronic care, medical students run away from family medicine as fast as they possibly can.

This is unfortunate because a good family doctor is an asset to the community and often the only physician you will ever meet who can see you in the big picture and not just as a life support system for a pair of kidneys or a shell through which the GI tract runs. There are also many outstanding family medicine programs which offer a very high level of training to their residents in both disease management and procedures.

Duke Family Medicine, however, as a program has been doing everything in its power to drive away residents by deliberately marginalizing the role of the physician, watering down their skills with irrelevancy, and assigning them roles which detract from their principle function.

The culprit is something called “community medicine,” a noble enough sounding concept that was even used as a selling point for applicants. Community medicine as envisioned at Duke, however, is nothing more than a capitulation to the idea that the physician is redundant in family medicine. This is certainly the idea you get at Duke where the clinic is staffed by Physician Assistants and other mid-level providers and where we are not even referred to as “doctors” or “physicians” but as “providers” to avoid offending the non-physician providers. Or they call us “learners,” a particularly odious term the offensiveness of which the faculty remains oblivious to despite many complaints.

On my first day in clinic I shadowed a PA. Not his fault of course but it shows you where the program’s priorities are.

Community medicine is integration of social work with medicine. In addition to diagnosing and treating their illnesses, we must now follow the patients into the community, identify their barriers to care, plead and beg them to take their medicines, and even if necessary wipe their asses for them. The patients, in short, are helpless pawns of fate who we must treat like children in our attempts to save them from themselves. In this we patronize them in a manner that is truly shameful. And racist too, as the underlying assumption is that blacks and other minorities are somehow unable to make good decisions.

I’m not saying, however, that we did a lot of social work, just that this was the zeitgeist of the program and the traditional practice of medicine (diagnosis, treatment, and management of disease) was definitely subordinate to it. One of the goals of the program, for example, was to have the residents staff a clinic at one of the local high schools. While I have no doubt that somebody needs to pass out condoms and give the fourteen-year-old girls their Depot Provera shots, is this really a good use of a resident’s time and, more importantly, is this a high yield educational activity seeing that the job could be easily handled by a school nurse or a moonlighting PA student?

The emphasis on social work was also reflected n the poor quality of the program’s didactic learning. The conferences were incredibly weak, usually on some subject that was only peripherally involved with medicine, and as they were directed to the mid-levels and social workers as much as the physicians were mighty thin gruel.

Mighty thin.

Contrast this with a program like Internal Medicine which has morning report, well-attended noon conferences on highly interesting medical topics, and weekly Grand Rounds given by physicians on the cutting edge of research. This kind of education is almost as important as your clinical duties and good programs don’t skimp on this. Many of the interns recognized early that we were being short-changed in this regard and suggested that the schedules be re-worked to carve out a set block of time every week for resident education. It is pretty difficult when you are doing off-service rotations to make it to noon conference at your program, especially as the Family Medicine center is some distance from the main hospital. Generally you attend the conferences of the specialty where you are rotating. This is fine, of course, but what’s the point of training for a specialty if you never get any training in it?

Many programs do carve out time for teaching residents. This time is “protected” and except when on critical care rotations the residents are excused from all clinical duties. Emergency medicine does this. It is complicated for all of the involved services and I’m sure that the services don’t like having their cheap help pulled for one afternoon a week but part of leadership is looking after your own troops and having the nuts to tell the other services to pound sand.

This suggestion, like most suggestions, went nowhere. It was probably because of the complexity of scheduling but it is also likely that having all of the residents in one spot at one time receiving specialized training would emphasize the distinction between physicians and mid-level providers when the goal of the program seems to be to erase this distinction.

The Empire Strikes Back

Parsing carefully the chairman’s statement detailing the reasons why the Family Medicine residency program was closed, we find the curious assertion that clinic patients were receiving inconsistent care. Apparently the insanity had gone on long enough and it was time to stop the madness before those darned residents killed someone.

Even in defeat the first instinct was to blame the residents which is typical of the program. Although every other program at Duke has continuity clinics where the patients receive the same kind of “inconsistent” care from residents who have large blocks of their time dedicated to inpatient rotations, this is apparently only a problem at Family Medicine.

Obviously someone didn’t get the memo that the purpose of a teaching hospital is to train physicians and this is done by allowing residents to see patients. I’ll be the first to admit that an intern is not usually a model of efficiency with all the answers at his finger tips. On the other hand the patients accept this and are usually pretty tolerant. Many actually prefer residents because what we may lack in experience we make up for in our genuine interest in their condition and in the amount of time we spend with them, usually considerably more than the five minutes or so you can expect in private practice.

I suspect that one of the reasons the residency program was closed was because it was interfering with clinic operations. Duke Family Medicine, as I was told on many occasions, is a money-making enterprise. Nothing wrong with this of course but I also suspect that because there is not much love for the family medicine residency program at Duke, the positive cash flow provided the only leverage to keep it going. Delivering health care through interns and residents is unavoidably inefficient and this probably was hurting the bottom line.

You will note that Duke Family Medicine is not closing. It will continue as a faculty-run clinic staffed by attendings and the usual assortment of mid-level providers. (The Sports Medicine fellowship is not effected by the closure of the residency program, by the way, and the plan is to expand the fellowship offerings.)

Out of Control Bureaucracy

Let us recap. Until a few years ago, Duke Family Medicine was a well respected program which, although effected by the general decline in popularity of Family Medicine, always managed to fill its quota in the match (although to be fair the program was shrinking, going from 18 residents per class in the seventies to six when I signed on). It was the implementation the chairman’s vision of Community Medicine which sank the program, beginning several years ago when almost a third of the residents either quit in disgust or were driven away after their concerns over the effect of this on education and training were dismissed.

You’d think that this would have given someone pause but apparently the reaction was “good riddance” and the program continued towards the iceberg which it hit two weeks ago. And, to continue the metaphor, the deck chairs were being re-arranged while the program sank as numerous Task Forces, working groups, and committees were set up to explore such life or death questions like a new form to evaluate the preceptors and all other manner of things which may be important but which don’t really require this kind of frenzied activity. None-the-less, several bureaucrats from the department’s extensive stable were delegated to solve the program’s problems, one evaluation form at a time. If they could only get a handle on “metrics,” if only cultural competency could be more adroitly addressed, and if only the residents would get on board and sing the praises of the Five Year Plan things were going to be all right.

Paradoxically, for a program that was very intolerant of dissenting voices they made something of a fetish about soliciting input from the residents. The process is the thing, you see. As long as we ask for your opinion we can get all warm and fuzzy about how much of a team we are without actually taking you seriously. To this end there was a constant demand for evaluations and they were deadly earnest about them.

The expectation that the house staff are responsible for solving a program’s problems of which the constant demand for evaluations is one symptom can be demoralizing as it sometimes indicates a lack of leadership. Everyone likes to be consulted and good programs listen to reasoned criticism from their residents and take appropriate actions to correct problems. Still, it is not necessary to get resident buy-in on every decision. Those who are in a position of leadership need to lead and eschew the SWOT groups and Task Forces which dilute responsibility under the guise of gaining consensus.

Consensus is great but as the program was run in a top-down authoritarian style rather than a consensus-building team approach the attempts at collective decision making had something of a politburo flavor as there is definitely a party line to which we must adhere.

Don’t get me wrong, as a former Marine I am all for the authoritarian style of leadership in which responsibility and authority are clearly delineated and all suggestions and orders flow through a well-defined command structure. I just think that asking for our input and then either ignoring it or harassing the critic confuses the house staff and leads to unnecessary friction. Better to just proclaim the policy, offer the door to those who don’t like it, and soldier on. This is under the theory that acting boldly on a mediocre plan (and community medicine is definitely a mediocre plan) is better than vacillating and wringing one’s hands while trying to think up a perfect plan.

What we had, I repeat, was a failure of leadership. I think the program’s problems were obvious. Surely everybody in authority must have known what they were. But instead of stepping up and owning up to some bad decisions the defense mechanism was to spread the blame by making everyone, through the polite fiction of evaluations and task forces, responsible for the eventual outcome.

A Sense of Impending Doom

Did the emphasis on community medicine hurt me? Not really. I was an intern and consequently spent most of my time rotating off-service. Some people are surprised to learn that Family Medicine residents rotate on general surgery, medicine, and MICU. These plus inpatient and outpatient pediatrics, cardiology, obstetrics, gynecology, and a few weeks of urology and otolaryngology make for a very busy and somewhat traditional intern year of the kind suffered through by the majority of residents in almost every specialty. I had a half day clinic every week (which was very well precepted I have to add) and I kept my head down and did my job. I attended a few of our program’s conferences but as they were usually pretty weak and there was no requirement that interns attend I was happy enough to sit in on my host service’s didactic sessions.

So I got pretty good training. Other than that as I was somewhat preoccupied with the match I had a few more important things to worry about than bureaucratic in-fighting. Remember that by switching specialties I had committed myself to moving my wife, three kids, and five dogs for the second time in a year. Not to mention the struggle to interview around a rather inflexible schedule.

Still, it was hard not to get the sense that things were falling apart at the program. Every time I went there people seemed on edge and disgruntled. Nobody made eye contact, if you understand what I mean. Did this bother me? Not particularly because as an intern you are always rotating off-service and have your own set of problems and challenges keeping you occupied. Time flies like you wouldn’t believe. You put your head down on the first rotation of the year and when you come up for air it’s October. Then you blink and it’s February. Additionally the call schedules and work requirements of the interns are so erratic that it’s difficult to get all of them together to build camaraderie.

So before I knew it match day had rolled around and after a tense week of nail-biting I found that I had matched. After that it just didn’t matter. In no way did I drop my pack and I think everyone on every service where I rotated would report that I was gung ho and as bushy-tailed as possible for an intern. That’s just the kind of guy I am. I will confess thought that I have been dragging for the last couple of weeks. My only clinical duties have been a few clinics and other than that I have been definitely smelling the greener pastures.

I have also avoided any criticism of the program until now so as not to hurt their chances in the match but it doesn’t matter anymore. You may view this article, long-suffering reader, as either a cautionary tale, gossip, muckraking, or just something interesting about the medical profession.

Whistling Past the Graveyard

Family Medicine as a specialty, for various reasons, is not doing well and seems to be headed for extinction. In it’s place is a new model of care in which a highly trained physician is both uneconomical and unnecessary. The Chairman of the Department of Community and Family Medicine admits as much in his rational for closing the residency program. His vision is to have an army of low-skilled providers fan out into the hinterlands like so many Chinese barefoot doctors. Of course, he doesn’t say it quite like that but whether he is bowing to the inevitable or he sincerely believes it, he doesn’t think the physician is important enough in the specialty to support a residency program.

I received a letter today from the North Carolina Academy of Family Physicians calling attention to the closure of the Duke Family Medicine residency program. The money statement was this: “The Academy leadership does not believe Duke or any other university can implement these new models of care by eliminating family physician training and only relying on mid-level providers.”

Well, that’s sort of the point. Whether the academy leadership believes it or not, the “new model of care”is being implemented without Family Medicine physicians. It’s almost a done deal.

A Few Closing Thoughts

1. Family Medicine is declining in popularity among American medical student. Short of socializing medicine and forcing people to work where they don’t want to, I can see no encouraging trend indicating that students will slap themselves on the head and say, “Eureka! I want to spend my career working like a dog for low pay in Corn Hollow, Nebraska nagging my patients about their weight while referring out all of the interesting cases.”  It just ain’t going to happen. There is a genuine demand for family practice physicians but other specialties are in even greater demand. I also don’t see salaries rising to meet the demand so the demand my be over-stated.

2. Increased empathy will not compensate for decreased knowledge. In other words, spending time on empathy training, cultural competence, and all of the fuzzy things is fine except that it might take away from the serious study of medicine. Most of the fuzzy things don’t need to be taught to most people anyways. What usually ends up being the case is that these topics become a sounding board for the political views of organization doing the teaching. I happen to believe, for example, that personal responsibility is an ideal towards which every social program should be aimed. Mention personal responsibility at Duke Family Medicine and you are asking for a reprimand or an attempt at re-education.

It’s just a philosophical difference. The program can point to countless patients who even I will admit are incapable of doing anything for themselves. On the other hand I can say, with some justification, that it is the very social programs advocated by the program which contribute to this state of affairs and make it unlikely that anything will ever change.

3. I’m just one guy, the lowest guy on the totem pole at Duke, and these are strictly my opinions. You may have different opinions which I am perfectly willing to consider. If you are offended by my opinions then you have the entire internet on which to associate with people who can reinforce what you believe and there is no need for you to trouble yourself over my small corner it.

My Personal Statement

“Mbuto.”

My African driver springs to his feet.

“Yes, Sahib.”

“Pass me another baby, I think this one has died.” I lay the dead infant in the pile by my feet. What I’d really like him to do is pass me an ice-cold bottle of the local beer. Compassion is hot, thirsty work. There is no ice in this wretched refugee camp, mores the pity, but as I’m here to help I will suffer in silence. I stare into the eyes of the African baby who is suffering from HIV or dengue fever or something gross and look out into the hot, dusty savannah and ask, “Why? Why gender-neutral and non-judgmental Deity (or Deities) does this have to happen?”

“And Why, Mbuto, is the air-conditioning on my Land Rover broken again?”

“One thousand pardons, Sahib, but the parts have not arrived.”

I will suffer. I have lived a life of privilege and my suffering serves to link me to the suffering of mankind. I roll the window down. God it’s hot. How can people live here? Why don’t they move where it’s cool? Still, I see by the vacant stare from the walking skeletons who insist on blocking the road that they appreciate my compassion and I know that in a small way, I am making a difference in their lives.

Africa. Oh wretched continent! How long must you suffer? How long will you provide the venue to compensate for a low MCAT score? How many must die before I am accepted to a top-tier medical school?

When did I first discover that I, myself, desired to be a doctor? Some come to the decision late in life, often not until the age of five. The non-traditional applicants might not know until they are seven or even, as hard as it is to believe, until the end of ninth grade. I came, myself, to the realization that I, myself, wanted to be a doctor on the way through the birth canal when I realized that my large head was causing a partial third degree vaginal laceration. I quickly threw a couple of sutures into the fascia between contractions so strong was my desire to help people.

My dedication to service was just beginning. At five I was counseling the first-graders on their reproductive options. By twelve I was volunteering at a suicide crisis center/free needle exchange hot-line for troubled transgendered teens. I’ll never forget Jose, a young Hispanic male with HIV who had just been kicked out of his casa by his conservative Catholic parents. He had turned to black tar heroin as his only solace and he was literally at the end of his rope when he called.

“How about a condom, Hose,” I asked. The J, as you know, is pronounced like an H in Spanish.

Annoying silence on the line. Hesus, I was there to help him.

“Condoms will solve all of your problems,” I continued, “In fact, in a paper of which I was listed as the fourth author, we found that condoms prevent all kinds of diseases including HIV which I have a suspicion is the root of your depression.”

More silence. No one had ever had such a rapport with him. He was speechless and grateful and I took his sobs as evidence of my compassion.

“Hey, it was double-blinded and placebo controlled, vato.” Cultural competence is important and I value my diverse upbringing which has exposed me to peoples of many different ethnicities. I always say “What up, Homes?” to the nice young negroes who assemble my Big Mac and I think they accept me as a soul brother.

“We also have needles, amigo. Clean needles would prevent HIV too.”

My desire to be a physician has mirrored my desire to actualize my potential to serve humanity in many capacities. This may be something unheard of from medical school applicant but I have a strong desire to help people. I manifest this desire by my dedication to obtaining all kinds of exposure to all different kinds of people but mostly those from underserved and underprivileged populations. In fact, during a stint in a Doctors Without Borders spin-off chapter I learned the true meaning of underserved while staffing a mall health care pavilion in La Jolla, California.

Most of my friends are black or latino and I am a “Junior Cousin” of the Nation of Islam where I teach infidel abasement techniques to the Mohammed (PBUHN) Scouts. I also am active in the fight for women’s reproductive rights except of course for women in Afghanistan who were better off before our current racist war.

As Maya Angelou once said, “All men (and womyn) are prepared to accomplish the incredible if their ideals are threatened.” I feel this embodies my philosophy best because the prospect of grad school is too horrible to contemplate.